Friday, November 4, 2011

Involuntary Captivity

Have you ever wished that the time would slow down so that you won’t have to be in such a rush all the time?

I am sitting in a clinic waiting room to which I have been bound for the last three hours. Thirty more minutes and the GTT (a test to check whether or not I have gestational diabetes) will be over. The past three hours of this semi involuntary captivity got me thinking about how all the complaining about running out of time to do things and always needing to go places is only because we have that which so many of us take for granted. The health to do it with.  It might be sort of clicheish to be thankful for being healthy, but honestly, He who grants it to us should be praise often. It is because He gives and extends His mercy to us, who often use and abuse these bodies of ours in order get things done, to cut corners, to make it to the end of the day. What if, one day you were informed that the test results didn’t come back negative. That more tests needed to be done. That ultrasound and other scanning needed to be performed. And the flow chart would continue….

My mother in law’s illness is still so very fresh in my memory. I vividly remember the time stopping for all those who loved her. It is as if nothing was more important than catering to her needs and caring for her. All the chores she was always busy doing around the house became irrelevant to her. The last couple of months of her life she mostly spent in her bed, taking medication, waiting for the pain to ease up a bit. It was so painful to watch a woman who had so much strength and endurance to raise 17 children in a Communist country be so still, quiet, immobile. Involuntary captivity at its best. When she passed, things went back to normal for most of us with busy families and the rush resumed and time started to fly again.

It is not uncommon to hear the older generation talk about how things have really sped up these past few years. With the new technology that is supposed to save us time, comes this belief that we could accomplish more during that time therefore we should take on more responsibilities, more obligations. The other day, I had to do a big grocery store trip. The trip turned to several trips as I hit four different grocery stores to complete my list. I then came home, made dinner and baked pryaniki. Needless to say, by the time I sat down to read a book to my three year old, my husband was home and he ran to greet him at the door. “There went my one on one time with him, “ I thought. That day, spending time with him, while intended was not prioritized.  I failed to slow down on my own. I chose to be captive of vanity instead.  That day, I was given an option to choose.  What if that option no longer became available?

Dear God,
Thank you so much for the opportunity to sit here and dwell on how fortunate I am at this point of my life, that this test, though time consuming and tedious is only a test to check a condition that is common and not life threatening for most women. Thank you for inconveniencing me temporary to make me appreciate and understand that life is not an emergency. The health we are given is not a right nor is it permanent, but a blessing and that it is foolish to hurry the destruction of it with stress, hurry, overwhelming commitments and bad diet. Help me do my part to cherish what you have given me. Help me be a voluntary captive of each moment that makes up this short journey we refer to as life.


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