Thursday, April 8, 2010
About Being a Hypocrite
I never respected one. Always was afraid of becoming one. A hypocrite.
Saying one thing, often in a loud, condemning and affirming tone, and then doing that same thing one formerly condemned is what describes the action of a hypocrite. I met a few during my short mature life and from a moment of discovering one's hypocritical nature, lost trust and respect for that person. Being afraid of ever becoming a hypocrite, I watched what I say and do and tried not to judge other people's actions. At least out loud. Because believe it or not, all of us are judgemental to one degree or another. A person without an opinion is hard to come across and is usually a bore. In my opinion.
Anyway, I tried practicing what I preached (ever so humbly) and was not very loud about my beliefs. But time went by and I noticed that I was becoming more vocal about things I would come to realize to be true, or right. And it would be alright and I would keep vocalizing my beliefs if.....If one day I wouldn't catch myself violating the very things I supported and argued about until my face was all red and sweaty with tears running down my face...No, not that vocal.
But hypocritical? Yes.
Which brings me to my confession. I've been a bad mom lately. Real bad. I started my practicum at a local community college which takes up four out of seven week nights. This means that four out of seven dinners my kids are eating without me. It also means that on the days that I work and have the practicum at night, I see my kids for a total of 3 hours a day. How horrible is that? Real. Horrible. My conscience is calling me all kinds of bad words and I quiet it down by shoving a calendar in its face and pointing to summer. SUMMMMMER. Is 8. Weeks. Away.
I love my job and I love to be schooled. I looooove summer. I love my kids more. Much, much, more. Kids + Summer+Mama home with them=happy family and clear conscience. In 8 more weeks.