I have obliged my self to a form of insanity which only those who are currently committing the same can empathize with me. Everyone else to whom I whine just shake their heads and think me crazy. Those who do not understand the scope of my craziness think me a wuss.
I have accepted a temporary subbing job for someone who is now on a leave of absence. Not sure now if this was such as clever idea. For four more weeks, I am to be at work everyday before sunrise; very hard to do for someone who gets up at least three times a night. I have to prep for four different classes two of which are new to me. Needless to say, I haven't graded a thing for the past two weeks and the inbox of students' work is currently overflowing. I am also currently enrolled in two graduate level courses, one if which is linguistics. Though the subject is very interesting to me, the workload isn't. The homework duration of 6-10 hours a week, hangs over me like a dark cloud following me everywhere I go, sending occasional showers my way as a reminder that it has not been touched.
So I come home to three little kids who want to hang on me and all I feel like doing is sit there, stare at the wall and collapse for a nap. I feel that I am leaving all of my passion and energy at work and school and bring back my tired body that is useless. I know I am not the only mom who works full time and comes home to other responsibilities. I seriously do not know how or where you get the time and energy to get all of the things that need to get done around the house and spend constructive time with your children. There isn't enough hours after work to do it all well.
Yesterday, we took our kids to OMSI. They explored different exhibits and had a blast. This reminded me of how much I miss being home with them every other day. Going to OMSI was a regular outing for us. Now, I am happy if we make it to the park after work.
I know working full time is not how I want to spend the next few years while my children are small. I am considering putting schooling on hold for a while too. It is simply not fair to do this to my children and my spouse. For now, I am thankful that part of the craziness will be over in four weeks and I will be back to being more of a mom rather than the blob that I am now.