Its 69 degrees at 7pm in Portland right now. Better yet, it is supposed to be a little over 70 tomorrow and I am off from work. Though a bit chilly in the shade, it is still nice to be seating on the deck watching both the sunset and my kids playing on the playground as they soak up the last of sun rays (though indirect) and inhale fresh air. These past couple of days I have been thinking a lot about savoring. Though so clicheish, this living in the moment, in the present, right now more specifically the lack of has been convicting me. Maybe its the fact that my second baby is to begin kindergarten next year or maybe its the that school and work have taken up so much time away from them. Or maybe its trying to balance putting healthy, frugal meals on the table and keeping my house looking decent while at the same time leaving enough time for floor play. Like yesterday, when I spent two hours trying to figure out which coupons I need and how to print the ones I finally chose only to then cancel our Target trip all together because it was too late to go.
Or maybe it is because only yesterday that I ran across this quote while substituting for a colleague and it resonated with me:
"Time -- when pursued like a bandit -- will behave like one; always remaining one country or one room ahead of you, changing its name and hair color to elude you, slipping out the back door of the motel just as you're banging through the lobby with your newest search warrant, leaving only a burning cigarette in the ashtray to taunt you."
— Elizabeth Gilbert
Or maybe its the fact that I am starting to think about getting a full time job in two years when my baby enters Kindergarten. The idea of a decent (finally!) paycheck is attracting and yet coming home exhausted every day is not. The truth is, I have a good life right now. I get to enjoy time away from home doing a job I am passionate about and spending most days of the week at home with my kids, cracking up at their utterances, watching them grow and change, and providing for them in various ways. I think that if the time comes when most of my time will be spent outside of home, teaching someone else's children (wow, that sounds kind of wrong), I will no doubt refer to this time now as "the good ol' days" of sushi and scone making. A time when mornings could occasionally be lazy and laundry got done after everything else that is more exciting got done.
I might just look back and regret being more of an observer of their games than a participant. Maybe I will regret not making time for many girl dates with my daughter or taking them to grandma's and grandpa's too often. I will probably regret not making a baby book for each of them and having no record of their first words and milestones.
There are however, lots of things I'll be glad I did. I'll be glad my kids were read to every night and taken to the library several times a month to choose new books and that TV was limited to mostly family movie nights. I'll be glad we got our money's worth of memberships to OMSI, The Children Museum, and the Zoo. I will certain not regret filling up that punch card from JJJUMP and EPCC Indoor Park oh, and Dutch Bros ;). I hope my kids will remember how much fun they had at Precision Elite Gymnastics, Kid Club Fun and Fitness, the Splash Pad, swimming pools and kid classes.
I'll also be glad I was around to see them take their first steps and crack their first joke. I know that it will serve them well for rarely seeing my husband and me argue and fight though I could have certainly used a bit more refraining from yelling at them.
So, I am going to end this post, close my laptop, plug my iPhone in to charge upstairs and do just that, savor this moment that I have been granted to me and maybe even required? by no other than but my Father in heaven. I will then put them to bed and crash with a book--an act I need to savor more than keeping up with the FB updates.