Recalculating

Not too long ago, I was listening to NPR and heard an interesting idea from one of the guests on one of the shows (wow, that is so specific, I know).  Honestly, the only thing I remember about this program is that the guest was a Buddhist Jew, the show was about child rearing, and the part that I am about to share with you that really stuck with me.

While I might disagree with this lady's spiritual convictions, what she said about the concept 'recalculating' really spoke to me.   Now a grandmother, she was asked to share some advice on raising children.   Not pretending she knew it all, she humorously suggested that it would help her in life and others in child rearing if we were more like our GPS.  She noted that when she is using the help of her GPS to find a place and makes a wrong turn, her GPS responds--

RE-CAL-CU-LA-TING.

She laughed as she talked about how no matter how many wrong turns she makes on her trip, the tone of voice of the GPS never changes but just keeps repeating RE-CAL-CU-LA-TING. RE-CAL-CU-LA-TING.

I thought about how often during the course of the day, I get to recalculate my next step, my plan of action.    How the night before,  I plan tomorrow in my head, but when tomorrow comes my plan is rarely fulfilled.  (This, by the way is one reason I suck at menu planning).   Kids have definitely taught me to be more flexible, but I don't know why I sometimes assume to have control of tomorrow or even of the next hour.   Not only that, but even if I plan for things to go unplanned, I often fail miserably at repeating the word recalculating using the same tone of voice.  If you get my drift.

A typical day in our household should might look like this:

~Kid refuses to get dressed for school in the morning--recalculating--feed him breakfast first.

~It took me longer to finish chores and it is too late to go to the library as planned--recalculating--offer play dough instead.  The kids don't want to do play dough--recalculating--suggest water coloring.  They don't want to water color--recalculating--stop what you are doing and pay undivided attention by reading, building something with them, or massaging their backs.

~We are late for our x-practice and they are goofing of--recalculating--remind yourself that the Earth will not stop circling the orbit and vouch to start getting ready 15 minutes earlier than usually.

~On the way to practice, the baby starts fussing, the boys in the back are having trouble keeping their hands off each other and your daughter keeps asking circular questions about some stupid thing and you are about to explode---recalculating---pull over, count to three and calmly say-----something---- to make them knock it off and take the time to calm the baby.   

~Husband calls and says he won't make it to dinner again--recalculating--remind yourself that he is not playing pool somewhere but is providing for your family and make dinner time as pleasant as possible.


Wow, that's a lot of recalculating.  A lot of decision making on a spot.

I think the problem occurs when I don't take the time to recalculate.  The problem arises when I let my emotions take over, don't think rationally and my vision becomes nearsighted.  I only see NOW and the things that are not going as planned but should NOW.  I don't see the wounded hearts, the widening of a gap, or the bigger picture.  The pressure of time, set expectations, the illusion of control, and own rearing are all in the way of being good at recalculating and not loosing temper, mood, and staying composed.

Life is always so uncertain.  Recalculating must and will happen so I better plan for welcoming it with grace.  

Thoughts On Brand New and Margaret Thatcher

Today is the eighth day we have been staring at the new little member of our family. Almost non-stop. Even with the mundane routine of feeding, burping, changing, and sleeping, his facial expressions never cease to amuse me.  I don't get tired of counting his little fingers and toes and saying "Thank, thank you, Lord" over and over under my breath.   Watching this guy transition pretty smoothly to the life outside the womb, I can hardly believe that a little more than a week ago, I carried him below my heart.  That from the moment of conception, there were cells multiplying, chemical reactions taking place, life working hard to keep on living; hiding all of that from the human eye and only manifesting itself to the world outside by his mama's growing belly.   

It is hard to believe that a pretty uneventful and easy pregnancy can bear such miracle.  I mean, how is it that I am deserving of this?  What have I ever done in life for you, Lord or for your people to be paid back with the greatest gift,  that of fertility, a woman can poses?  Holding a healthy baby, fourth time around, is truly humbling.  

Once again, I have been given a new little soul to care for, snuggle with, teach right from wrong, lead to Christ...   His siblings are and continue to be the guinea pigs of his parents' child rearing errors, unkept promises, inattentiveness, and more.  But he, with almost the four year difference between him and his brother is bringing with him a fresh start.   Watching him wiggle and squirm and be at my breast brings back memories of each one of my babies and how sweet they were as newborns and how sweet I was to them...  I find it easy to be patient and kind to someone who is so dependent on you and doesn't yet has a voice of his own.    The sore body, sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and piles of laundry that come with a new baby all redeem themselves with the gift of first coos and smiles and fat thighs and double chin.  

And yet, a weekly fuss over Russian homework can result in an ugly frustrated kid vs impatient mama battle.

 The truth is, I often struggle to show grace.  Grace that I soooo lovingly give to my newborns as they grow is replaced by expectation of maturity, "knowing better than that", and lack of wisdom when answering their talkbacks.   This little guy here is 
resurrecting that word in my life...Grace.  

They say that mothering is different in your thirties than your twenties.  Like appreciation of gardening that comes with age so does realizing the extend of how much grace was extended to you to be trusted with the planting the seeds of all that's good.


It is known that when Margaret Thatcher's husband asked her to marry him she says yes—under one condition: She will not be someone who will stand in the background; she'll not die washing teacups. "One's life must matter, Denis," she tells him. "Beyond all the cooking and the cleaning and the children, one's life must mean something!"  


I beg to disagree, Ms. Thatcher.  To many of us, it is the children,  in the chaos of the daily chores, that teach us the meaning of life. That make our lives meaningful.   They teach us to forgive and be forgiven; they extend grace to us by quickly forgetting and embracing us in spite of our wrongdoings.  They put up with our inconsistencies and impatient outbursts.  They humble our selfish flesh and mold us to be a little more like Him everyday.   To live for someone other than your self, isn't that the most meaningful thing you can footprint here on Earth?  I believe so.  

Phillip Mathew

February 14, 2012, 4:37pm

9 lbs 9 oz, 21.5 in

9 hours of labor of induced labor

No painkillers :) 

Petite Vanilla Bean Scones

I would like to begin posting my most recent favorite links for homemade stuff with these babies.

I just finished making my very first batch of these and they are simply irresistible never mind the fact that it is about 9pm as I am typing this and I really should be seeing sweet dreams at this point and not walking around my kitchen island contemplating between sniffing the wonderful aroma of one or indulging in one more.

I loooove me a good scone any time of the day.  But I especially enjoy petite ones with tea or coffee after a hearty breakfast.  The link to this recipe comes from The Pioneer Woman's website.  No, this is not a wholewheat/coconut oil kinda website.  Most of the things she makes are from real ingredients though and some days it is good enough for me.  Some day though, I might want to try to adapt some of the recipes to include more wholesome ingredients. 

But if I could only eat one kind of white flour buttery goodness for the rest of my life, these guys might just be it.  So further ado here is a link to a recipe for the petite vanilla bean scones.

Enjoy!

December Happenings and Future Plans

So, even I got tired of pulling up my blog and seeing the same page pop up for over a month now.  We were able to accomplish about half of the things planned on our advent calendar--I thought that was a success!  

I haven't blogged since then.  I don't know why such decrease in desire to blog.  Sometimes I am too lazy, other times I am too tired and other times too busy.  Busy I have been.    The holidays came and went.  We've been to more parties/dinners than I can count.  We've hosted very few.   The older two kids completed 8 weeks of swimming classes.  As much of a hassle as those lessons are (especially when they are being held at less than desirable times) it is such joy to watch them not only improve in a skill but also have a blast doing it. 

In early December, my sister hosted a wonderful baby shower for me!  She worked for days gathering crafts, decorating the house, giving out invitations and arranging meals.    Love her!  

Some of the ladies who stayed long enough to take a picture :)  It was soooo nice of all of you to take some time from the craziness this season brings and come take part in my joy!  I appreciate this so much.  

For my husband's b-day we went to the cabin again.  My handsomeness turned 34(!) this year.  

Oh, how I love this man.   He is so patient, kind, hardworking, generous, creative, smart, can fix just about anything, adores his children, puts up with me ;).  I don't know where he finds the energy after a long day at work to come home and play with the kids.  Their giggles fill the household like in no other time of the day and I sit back and watch a kid trapped in a big man's body and find it the most romantic thing of all!

Those couple December days were very warm.   Even though there was no snow near the cabin, we found plenty on the mountain.

We then came to the cabin and rested.  Some near the fireplace, others discovered Monopoly and played about 4 shorts rounds of it during the whole time we were there.  

We returned from the cabin a week before Christmas Eve.  What a busy week that was!  

 I did very little shopping (mostly online for a couple of children gifts).  But I did do a lot of running around buying supplies to make homemade chap sticks, hard lotion and scrubs.  Of course, someone who is more organized then I am would have probably came up with the idea of making all of these things long before the week of Christmas.  And that same person would have probably bought all the supplies a couple of months before the big day and of course would have had all of those things made up and ready to give at least a couple of weeks before Christmas.  I want to be that person next  year.  

Recently, I've discovered a sudden interest in homemade things.  So far, I've made chap sticks, hard lotion, foot scrub, body scrub, and cold/cough syrup.   On my list to do is vaporub, candles, and soap!  I am also anxious to get all these things done before the baby arrives in oh my--4 weeks or so since I know my hands will be a little preoccupied when that happens!  Even so, I am very anxious to meet this little person and to welcome him into this world and into the family where all of its member are already crazy about him.  

In the near future, I would like to post some of the blog links and/or recipes for all those things.   I want to do this because I want to have them all be in one place easily accessible to me and perhaps to some of you who follow this blog despite its rarely updated content :) 

Hope you all had a wonderful start to 2012!  

Our Advent Calendar-What Are You Doing This December?

I am known to procrastinate many things, Christmas preparations are not excluded.  It seems like I am having a hard time figuring out a perfect time to start my prep.  If I prep too early, by the time Christmas comes, the tree looks a bit tired, the Christmas decorations have collected dust, and the gifts have been opened.  If I prep too late, I face the risk of what happened two year ago.  You can read about it here.  I laugh every time I read this.

The other day, I read Tsh's post about an easy Advent calendar that she created and was inspired to begin planning our December!  The kids had a day off today, so we wrote our list of supplies and headed to a thrift store and Joann's (there are great coupons for that place online) and bought the stuff for this craft.  Now, I am NOT very crafty at all.   When I look at the handmade things Alyssa makes, I let out a deep sign as to acknowledge her skill and lack of mine.  But this project turned out a success!  I loved that all of the kids participated with Ab's leading the whole thing!   We found a huge frame for $5 at the Salvation Army and purchased the rest of the supplies at the craft store.

It took a while to come up with a list though.  I wanted something doable, fun, stress free and cheap.   We decided to splurge on one activity- The Singing Christmas Tree.  We justified our purchase by making this be our Christmas gift to each other and the fact that with our new arrival in February, we will probably not be able to attend this event for a few years.   Here is our December at a glance:

1. Continue decorating the house
2. Attend Follow the Star
3.  Add some ornaments to the tree
4.  Attend Singing Christmas Tree
5.  Sing Christmas carols
6.  Make paper snowflakes
7.  Read Christmas/winter Jokes
8.  Check out books about Christmas at the library
9.  Christmas and birthday gift shopping
10. Attend Appostolic Faith Church's Christmas Celebration
11.  Bake and decorate cookies
12.  Drive through Winter Wonderland
13.  Make and send greeting cards
14. Read a Christmas story
15.  Complete a random act of kindness or two
16.  Celebrate in winterwonderland   :)
17. Make stove-top popcorn and watch The Nativity Story
18.  Celebrate hubby's B-Day
19.  Make hot chocolate and watch The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.
20.  Decorate a gingerbread house
21.  Attend Grotto's Festival of Lights
22.  Read one of the four Gospel versions of the nativity story
23.  Open stocking stuffers
24.   Christmas Eve
25.  Christmas Celebration in church

I will most likely be writing these on a post-it note because I want to have the freedom to change things around and not feel guilty about it.  What are some things you'll be doing with your families?  Please share but know that I might steal your idea or two!

Just In Time

My sociology professor once made an observation that we live in what is called a 'just in time' society.  The longer I live, the more I find it to be true.  Getting to work, dropping kids off the bus stop, bringing them to swimming/piano lessons, arriving at church, finishing up dinner, arriving for an appointment,  cleaning before guests arrive, (the list can go on and on), I have a tendency be really good at getting things done just in time and not a minute earlier. Which wouldn't be so terrible if I lived (to steal the words of Mathew West's song) "in a small little world, population-me".  But because I usually have to tag along my little family, continuing to live -just in time- puts lots of stress on me and them.   Add winterish weather plus a kid who just learned to tie his shoe and I end up really miscalculating the time we need to get out house and drive out of the driveway.

I don't know what it is with me and not liking/willing/trying to arrive early somewhere.  Am I afraid that the time will be wasted or that I would be bored or that I would have to occupy my kids with something longer than necessary?  I don't know.  Probably a combination of these things.  The fact is, that when I happen to make it somewhere earlier than needed, I actually like it a lot.  I relax on the road; I relax when we get there.  I am able to transition and focus on whatever it is I came there for.

Today was another example of me and just in time.   My sister, my kids and I finally made it out to take some fall pictures.   Unlike many other people, we waited until almost middle of November to do it.   I spent about an hour choosing and ironing clothes  and dressing the kids only to completely forget that 45 Degree F is actually fairly cold and I should have spent that time choosing some decent coats, hats and scarfs for them.  We ended up taking a few decent shots.  It started raining soon after we left and the forecast for the rest of the week is more rain.  In other words, we took these just.in.time.

 


My hotblooded girl did not complain about not having a jacket.

With a soon to be big brother.  He can hardly wait.

Now and then (Fall of 2010).  

The four of us.   

The five of us  ;) 

Thanks, sis.  We did it again!  Just in time :)

Involuntary Captivity

Have you ever wished that the time would slow down so that you won’t have to be in such a rush all the time?

I am sitting in a clinic waiting room to which I have been bound for the last three hours. Thirty more minutes and the GTT (a test to check whether or not I have gestational diabetes) will be over. The past three hours of this semi involuntary captivity got me thinking about how all the complaining about running out of time to do things and always needing to go places is only because we have that which so many of us take for granted. The health to do it with.  It might be sort of clicheish to be thankful for being healthy, but honestly, He who grants it to us should be praise often. It is because He gives and extends His mercy to us, who often use and abuse these bodies of ours in order get things done, to cut corners, to make it to the end of the day. What if, one day you were informed that the test results didn’t come back negative. That more tests needed to be done. That ultrasound and other scanning needed to be performed. And the flow chart would continue….

My mother in law’s illness is still so very fresh in my memory. I vividly remember the time stopping for all those who loved her. It is as if nothing was more important than catering to her needs and caring for her. All the chores she was always busy doing around the house became irrelevant to her. The last couple of months of her life she mostly spent in her bed, taking medication, waiting for the pain to ease up a bit. It was so painful to watch a woman who had so much strength and endurance to raise 17 children in a Communist country be so still, quiet, immobile. Involuntary captivity at its best. When she passed, things went back to normal for most of us with busy families and the rush resumed and time started to fly again.

It is not uncommon to hear the older generation talk about how things have really sped up these past few years. With the new technology that is supposed to save us time, comes this belief that we could accomplish more during that time therefore we should take on more responsibilities, more obligations. The other day, I had to do a big grocery store trip. The trip turned to several trips as I hit four different grocery stores to complete my list. I then came home, made dinner and baked pryaniki. Needless to say, by the time I sat down to read a book to my three year old, my husband was home and he ran to greet him at the door. “There went my one on one time with him, “ I thought. That day, spending time with him, while intended was not prioritized.  I failed to slow down on my own. I chose to be captive of vanity instead.  That day, I was given an option to choose.  What if that option no longer became available?

Dear God,
Thank you so much for the opportunity to sit here and dwell on how fortunate I am at this point of my life, that this test, though time consuming and tedious is only a test to check a condition that is common and not life threatening for most women. Thank you for inconveniencing me temporary to make me appreciate and understand that life is not an emergency. The health we are given is not a right nor is it permanent, but a blessing and that it is foolish to hurry the destruction of it with stress, hurry, overwhelming commitments and bad diet. Help me do my part to cherish what you have given me. Help me be a voluntary captive of each moment that makes up this short journey we refer to as life.

Amen.